Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He passed out mid-signature
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
