i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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