at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
