I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize