Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
