I checked into jail on foursquare
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
