so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sext me about skeletons
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
