why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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