hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
