So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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