HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize