i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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