Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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