pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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