Whoa Z and x make the same sound
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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