the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
