Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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