after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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