we have officially lost it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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