Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
