hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
