Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
