I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I love you.
Bad choice
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