you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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