How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
