Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
