my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
