i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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