I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
