Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
