too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
