Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
