i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
