I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize