1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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