Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
