My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
