you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
