Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
