She said her name was "party"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
