you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
