At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
