dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
