This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
