The maid of honor just puked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
