You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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