ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
