I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
