The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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