i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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