is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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