I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
