We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
