i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
