By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
