Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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