Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
