i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize