you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
