i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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