is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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