I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
