I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
