My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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