even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
