I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
