Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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