his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
