I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
