genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
