i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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