I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
