i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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